i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
