# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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