I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
