I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
