Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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