wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dicks are not precious.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
