i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you would pick up someone in the library
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
