Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
