hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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