Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
