fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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