Whod you bang
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
