And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
