do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
