bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
only if we run a train.
done.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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