I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sarcasm needs its own font
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
