I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
