It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
