Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
