My friends, they love my intelligence
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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