Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
