he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
