party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
MIDGETS
????
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
