Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
