Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
