suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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