so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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