I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
