I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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