btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
