the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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