Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
high people should be assigned attendants
Farmville is her only friend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
