that's an acceptable place to lick
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I deserve this hangover.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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