I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
