so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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