Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
