You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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