You don't have asthma, your pregnant
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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