at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
