oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
