is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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