Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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