Got a toothbrush?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
