was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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