I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
