no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
