Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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