Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
