Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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