I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
