What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
