You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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