remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
