The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
