Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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