That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
