she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i came on her dog
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
