You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
