Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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