I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
