I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
